Leadership is influence—nothing more, nothing less
John Maxwell
Our progress in life as leaders greatly depends on the kind of relationships we decide to build and keep.
People who don’t care about creating and nurturing relationships “will go just far” — there’s a limit to how much they can achieve and how far they can go in their leadership life [and life in general.]
And as career-conscious people, leaders, entrepreneurs, innovators, and community builders, there’s what is called “Leadership Relationship”— the kind of relationship you deliberately build to help you grow as a leader. Relationships that enable you to develop the right qualities leaders need to thrive, remain effective, and stay strong.
You consciously look out for people who are more experienced than you— who have been to where you are aspiring to be— who are doing what you would love to do, and you connect with them [directly or indirectly], learning from them and applying the things you learn from them to your leadership endeavours.
Do not just be on the lookout for people who are obviously bigger, greater, and more experienced than you, but also be on the watch for people who are under you, those you lead, who look unto you for leadership, guidance, and direction, there is also a lot to learn from them, hence you must also be deliberate when it comes to building relationships with these set of people.
Most of the time, we ‘over’ fix our focus on connecting with people who are above and higher. We believe that they are the only ones from whom we can learn. That’s wrong, so wrong. Learning can be horizontal and vertical. To learn, we must look up, look down, look around, and look inside.
Productive Leadership Relationships
While writing this article, during my little research, I came across a couple of interesting research and articles that investigated and talked about the importance of leadership relationships to the growth and development of leaders, and here’s what I found:
- One of the most important leadership skills leaders should possess or develop is relationship management — how to identify productive relationships, connect with them, nurture them, and maintain them over time.
- Many bright, intelligent, vision-filled, and dream-driven leaders fail because they do not know how to develop the right relationships.
- Another vital skill leaders must have or develop to a “laser-sharp nature ” is the rare ability to detect relationships that can destroy you and your vision as a leader. These parasitic relationships offer nothing. The ability to quickly detect them and cut yourself free from them will save you from a lot of troubles and heartaches — believe me. Some people are out there to prey on your energy and intelligence. They have nothing to offer, instead, they suck you dry and leave you empty. Keep them far away from you — far away.
- How to know when a relationship has served its purpose in your life. Now, this is a tricky one, very tricky. I will elaborate on this further towards the end of the article.
Leadership is more than a role or position. It’s bigger than your CEO chair, Manager Seat, or Founder Position.
Leadership is all about relationships. Nothing will ever change this truth.
Leaders who realise this early in their leadership careers are the ones who go far [as I said earlier, and that’s an important lesson to take away from this article].
How To Create & Nurture Leadership Relationships: Practical Steps
- Be On The Lookout: You should know what you want. If you don’t, then that’s an assignment for you. When you know what you want as a leader, it’s easier to benefit from relationships because each relationship is unique. There should be something special about every relationship in your life as a leader. The less important relationships are kept “in a place.” While the important ones are deliberately worked on.
- Understanding Influence: Be aware that any relationship you enter will have an influence over you. It will either be a good or a bad one. So, if you don’t want to be influenced unpleasantly, you know what to do — stay away from such relationships. Look for relationships that will positively influence you. If you admire the discipline of a particular person, then you try to build a relationship with them and start learning from them.
- Access: Direct and indirect access to people. In indirect access, you may not have the opportunity to interact with those you want to learn from, maybe due to their status in the community; nevertheless, you can still learn from them. If they have a platform or channel where they express their thoughts, then you need to be on that platform [even if it means paying to be part of it sometimes]. Subscribe to their newsletters, read their blogs, listen to their podcasts, buy their books, and attend their workshops and seminars. Indirect relationships are typically formed with individuals who hold a certain celebrity status, those who are famous — the big names. Only very few people have direct access to them. However, if you are fortunate enough to have direct access to them, you can apply the principles outlined below. Direct access refers to individuals with whom you can easily interact, whether on social media or in person. They know you and will interact with you.
Please take note of this, friends. You don’t always have to focus on famous people and celebrities. There are wonderful everyday people around you who have a lot to offer; you just need to detect them and start building a relationship with them.
- Listen Carefully & Ask Intelligent Questions: Naturally, intelligent people will attract attention. When you get the opportunity to interact with people, always listen carefully to what they have to share with you. Be prepared to ask them questions or answer questions if you are asked. In any relationship, bonds get stronger when both parties show genuine interest in each other. One way to know that someone has an interest in you is in the quality of their listening, the questions they ask you, and how they answer the questions you ask them. If you ever want to keep any relationship healthy, be there to listen and ask questions if you have any, and be ready to answer if any are thrown at you.
- Build Shared Values: Anybody can become a friend of Elon Musk or Bill Gates, it just depends on how much value you can add to their lives [“big values” if you ask me]. We appreciate people who add value to our lives; it’s just natural. Through a book, blog, or activity, you can add so much value to people’s lives that it can become global, and before you know it, you are attracting influential people to your network. To maintain healthy and strong leadership relationships, ensure that you bring value to that relationship. Don’t just take, take and take; also give, and contribute to the growth of that relationship. People who always receive without giving will always be at the bottom of the food chain. A relationship is all about sharing, and sharing is never a one-way affair.
- Communicate Effectively & Provide Useful And Genuine Feedback: Relationships thrive on effective communication, especially direct relationships. You can’t claim to be in a healthy relationship with me if you never communicate with me. You don’t send me messages, emails, or texts, and you don’t call. You don’t do anything. Effective Communication makes it impossible for people to forget you. When you are constantly reaching out to me. This is what makes the email system one of the most potent business communication tools on the planet, followed by social media. Successful businesses have mastered the art of communicating with their workers and customers. Successful people have also mastered this art. To ensure a lasting relationship, be sure to maintain open and consistent communication. Additionally, strive to provide genuine feedback. This is part of the value we add to people who interact with us. We desire to grow, which is why we take the time to build and nurture relationships. And genuine, useful feedback that comes from the heart of someone who loves you is priceless. They are the ones who can evaluate you, and they do it from a distance. Having people in your life who will wholeheartedly reveal their thoughts about you is a gift that all leaders must pray for. And you, on the other hand, ensure that you always provide genuine feedback to those in your community. They view your feedback and sincere criticism as a form of value that they appreciate and will do everything possible to ensure the relationship lasts longer.
Understand Influence, Understand Leadership
Leadership is more than a role or position. It’s bigger than your CEO chair, Manager Seat, or Founder Position.
Without influence, there’s no leadership.
If you are a leader who can’t influence people, then you are not as great as you thought.
The vehicle that transports influence is ‘relationship’. Without it, you won’t be able to make people act the way you want them to or do the things that will make them release their potential.
You are where you are right now because of the type of influence you have had in the past. Someone influenced you to take that career decision. Someone may have also influenced your religious decision, and every other aspect of your life has come under the pressure of influence, one way or the other.
If you understand the importance of influence in leadership, you will find it easier in your leadership endeavours.
Relationships Do Come To An End, Sadly
“Twenty boys can’t play ball for twenty years.”
This is obvious; some relationships can last for a year, two, three, ten, or more, or even a lifetime.
Some relationships may not last more than six months.
Leaders [and people in general, besides, we are all leaders] must know when it’s time for a relationship to come to an end.
Don’t try to give it an extra life [especially when it’s dying a natural death].
Let it go.
It might have fulfilled its role in your life. Just make sure it comes to a good end. And keep the link strong, just in case. Don’t be the “bridge burner.”
It’s Time To Build and Pull Down
It’s time to build and pull down.
Look around you, and be sincere with yourself.
There are relationships you have neglected that need to be revived now.
And some relationships are hurting and pulling you down that you need to eliminate right now!
Don’t be sorry for anyone, be sorry for yourself. This is all about your growth and development as a leader.
If you continue to nurture bad relationships, a day will surely come when those relationships will hurt and scar you.
Time is life, and it’s too precious to waste on things that will make it difficult or impossible for you to achieve your goals as a leader.
Do you have friends who constantly encourage you to use company funds for personal purposes, while the company is lacking in many ways? If you have friends like these around you, I want you to know that you won’t go far — it’s best to terminate such relationships now.
Relationships that inspire and motivate you to do the wrong things should not have any space in your life. Cut them down.
When you hear of scandals in industries, companies, and businesses, we tend to focus on the perpetrators and forget that they had people around them who aided and abetted them, people with whom they were in cahoots, who encouraged, and inspired them to do the wrong things they did.
The same principle applies to those who have achieved great things in their respective companies and industries. They had the right relationships, and they had people cheering and urging them on to do the right thing.
It’s All About Relationships
Our progress in life as leaders greatly depends on the kind of relationships we decide to build and keep.
When you find the right relationships that align with your values as a leader, ensure you give your best to make them enjoyable and lasting.
Do you have leadership principles that work for you? Would you mind sharing them with us? Kindly do so in the comment section.
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